Nick Miller once wrote a truly epic zombie novel for New Girl. By “epic,” the audience knows it made no sense, featured an impossible word search, and introduced characters that never appeared again. It might not have been the best zombie story, but it certainly demonstrated that the New Girl characters were familiar with the genre.
If the New Girl characters suddenly found themselves right in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, it’s hard to imagine them making a new life for themselves. Could Schmidt live without his hair products? How long would Jess be able to keep herself quiet before a zombie found her out in the world? It’s certainly fun for fans to speculate which characters would be the best to have at their side as zombies roamed the earth.
10 Yes: Cece
There is a brief time in the show in which Cece is presented as someone with few skills. Jess thinks models don’t do much more than stand still and look pretty, after all. The audience quickly sees that isn’t the case with Cece, as she’s much smarter than most people think.
Not only is Cece good with contract negotiations and incredibly perceptive, but she’s also a fighter. She regularly stands up for Jess when Jess is too scared to stand up for herself. She’s also willing to take on all of Schmidt’s former classmates who bullied him, however ill-advised that may be. Cece wouldn’t let a couple of zombies stop her from living her life.
9 No: Schmidt
Schmidt might be the most mature of anyone who has ever lived in the loft. He was the first of the roommates to have a steady, well-paying job and to have a stable relationship. He’s a grown-up while everyone else is still figuring things out. That alone might give him a bit of an edge in a zombie apocalypse. But the truth is, Schmidt relies far too much on his material possessions to really last.
Schmidt cannot handle when anything is out of his control – whether that’s Jess moving new furniture into the loft or Cece calling all of the shots in their relationship. He also might be able to argue with his friends, but he’s not good with confrontation otherwise, trying to avoid getting in a fight with his boss or strangers in a bar. That all means he wouldn’t be able to adapt well to a zombie-infested world – or to fighting them.
8 Yes: Winston
Winston might have an obsession with his cat, and he might make strange decisions when it comes to doing puzzles, but he’s the most logical and down-to-earth person in the New Girl loft.
Winston is more observant than most, as he figures out just how Schmidt’s coworker is one-upping him (and ends up finding a path to the police academy as a result). He’s also the person more likely to examine both sides of a conflict, being willing to use Jess’ feelings stick, but also understanding when the other guys want to ignore it. In short, Winston pays attention, and he adapts. A zombie apocalypse would, strangely enough, bring out the best in him. He’d become a leader amongst his friends, able to figure out how best to keep everyone alive and thriving.
7 No: Robby
Robby dates both Cece and Jess over the course of the show, and he’s certainly someone who can roll with the punches. Nothing seems to faze him, even when Jess drops weights on him at the gym.
While that might make him seem like a good fit for the zombie apocalypse team-up, it’s a little misleading. Part of the reason nothing bothers Robby is because he’s so wealthy that he can solve any problem in his life by hiring someone to take care of it for him. He’s not worried about injuries because he can pay his medical bills. In a zombie apocalypse, as series like The Walking Dead and movies like Dawn Of The Dead demonstrate, infrastructure collapses and all the money in the bank couldn’t help Robby.
6 Yes: Aly
If any character in New Girl is determined enough to make it through a zombie apocalypse relatively unscathed, it’s Aly. She’s got the same observation skills as Winston, but even better survival instincts. It’s unlikely she would have ever let Nick talk her into celebrating Thanksgiving in the woods and living off the land when none of her friends could even identify whether berries were poisonous, after all.
Aly is a planner and, usually, no-nonsense. She would get things done in a world full of zombies. She’s also surprisingly adept at games of chance and random skills, as a storage unit full of prizes from appearances on Japanese game shows proves. Aly has some talents never shared on the show that would likely prove useful.
5 No: Coach
Coach doesn’t have the greatest survival instincts. While he does grow a lot during his brief time in the series, there’s one scene in the show that might give viewers pause about his ability to survive in the zombie apocalypse.
After returning to the loft when his long-time girlfriend breaks up with him, he eventually admits how heartbroken he is and decides to confront her new boyfriend. Unfortunately, that new boyfriend is a police officer, and Coach drunkenly yells and threatens him outside of a police station full of the man’s coworkers. He’s lucky the situation didn’t end violently or with him in a jail cell. That kind of impulsive behavior without processing the danger until it’s too late is the opposite of what someone needs when faced with a world full of the undead.
4 Yes: Sadie
Sadie’s presence in New Girl fades, but fans will remember her as one of Jess and Cece’s oldest friends who also happens to be a doctor. While her field is female reproductive health, she also has a pretty good understanding of other specialties; Sadie is the one who gets Nick to make an appointment to have a growth in his neck examined.
The obvious reason for Sadie being an asset is her medical knowledge. Beyond that, however, is that Sadie is also an outside-of-the-box thinker. She admires Jess despite the two being drastically different, and she isn’t above helping Winston out with a prank aimed at her after they lose touch. She’s creative and smart, two things that would help her survive.
3 No: Reagan
Reagan is the most mature and capable person to ever interact with the roommates in New Girl. She doesn’t easily get attached, and she quickly rises through the ranks of a demanding job while moving from city to city. That would all sound great for someone who might have to spend a lot of time relocating after a zombie attack.
The trouble is that Reagan is also a loner, someone who isn’t going to be willing to put herself on the line to defend another group of people from those zombies. She’s not a community member, but someone who will pack up and leave as soon as she sees an out. That would be a problem for the rest of the people trying to survive together.
2 Yes: Nick
Nick’s original zombie novel might be a disaster, and Nick might have had a lot of growing up to do throughout the show, but he also might be the best equipped to end up in the middle of a zombie apocalypse.
Nick’s surprisingly intelligent and has got some strangely handy skills for someone who doesn’t want responsibility. He’s able to return to his family home and run things for his mom after his father dies. He’s also able to dry out meat – in his closet, no less. Nick is even able to make cheap fixes to messed up plumbing, meaning he could keep the apartment building operating even as the rest of the city isn’t. He’d be a surprisingly strong asset in a community, though not necessarily in a fight.
1 No: Jess
She might be the main character of New Girl, but Jess is not zombie apocalypse protagonist material. She frequently puts herself in potentially dangerous situations that others have to bail her out of, like confronting her writing student that she and Nick think might be a serial killer.
While she is creative, it’s pretty impossible to imagine the woman who makes up her own theme song and “rocks a lot of polka dots” being able to hold her own against a horde of zombies.
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